


Goodman Brown Was High Off His Shit And Here's Why

by mymomtoldneicantdodrugs



Category: Young Goodman Brown - Nathaniel Hawthorne
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Analysis, Anyways, Gen, Recreational Drug Use, Recreational Wolfsbane Use, can't tag for shit but that's ok, cannot believe that, cheating?? like idk man, holy fuck recreational wolfsbane use is a tag, idk what this is, it is what it is, this is so funny, wrote this at 12:00 am after crying for 2 hours straight so it's not my fault if im not coherent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymomtoldneicantdodrugs/pseuds/mymomtoldneicantdodrugs
Summary: when young goodman brown heads into the woods at night, he meets a mysterious stranger.a.k.a. person who goes off to participate in satanic activities becomes increasingly concerned with the number of people participating in satanic activities. fuckin hypocrite.
Relationships: None
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	Goodman Brown Was High Off His Shit And Here's Why

**Author's Note:**

> *snorting cocaine* nugs before drugs

okay i am still convinced that young goodman brown was about this guy who got high in the woods and hallucinated mad shit and here is why:

\- he goes to the woods at night. to meet a “mysterious stranger”. and he doesn't tell his wife. why the fuck would you go to the woods at night if ur not buying or selling drugs. like that's some shady shit man. also, "mysterious stranger"?? you could have just said drug dealer to be honest. i'm pretty sure this is how 75% of drug transactions (is that what it's called?? idk it is what it is) start. meet up in woods? check. don't tell ur wife what ur doing? check. got the drugs? maybe. that part wasn't explicitly written, but it was probably implied. 

\- alternate take: he's cheating on his wife with the "mysterious stranger" but gets high instead and has this epic dream. but that still wouldn't make as much sense as the selling drugs take. where the fuck are you gonna have sex? the forest floor? first of all, gross. unsanitary. think of the bugs. the dirt. the sticks. if that's ur thing, i'm not judging. but it's kinda nasty. second of all: why would you go exclusively to a forest to have sex? i can think of a lot better places off the top of my head. like, a hotel. or a field. the forest floor is not a good place to have sex. 

\- also: his relationship with the "mysterious stranger" (who he ends up thinking is the devil or something but again: drugs do weird things to your mind) is pretty professional. like not "hello employer" "hello employee" professional, but like "our relationship is exclusively for business transactions (read: drug deals) so please refrain from getting too friendly with me" professional. not "let's have some amazing unsanitary forest floor sex" professional. that's not professional at all. that's... the furthest thing you can get from professional. 

\- anyways no point in beating a dead horse so the cheating on his wife point is officially dead. moving on. next. 

-the “cult meeting” that he “attended” only had the faces of ppl he knew. science says u can’t make up new faces in ur dreams. if it was an actual cult meeting don’t u think they would have recruited more than the 10 ppl in goodman browns tiny ass town. like that’s just good business practice. kill many birds with one stone. they might be satanists but they’re probably not stupid.

\- the name deacon gookin. enough said.

\- no but seriously. imagine carrying a child in your belly for nine months just to name him deacon gookin? goddamn. 

\- he sees the strangers walking stick and he’s like “lmao it’s wiggling like a snake”. that’s a pretty obvious sign that the person who just said that is stoned as fuck. hey goodman brown, go back to ur wife. ur high as shit.

\- sparknotes told me that the snake wiggling was supposed to be a symbol of the devil or representative of all the deceit that happens but i politely (or, not so politely) disagree. if you look at a walking stick when ur not high, you see a walking stick. simple as that. when you look at a walking stick when ur high out of ur goddamn mind, you probably see some weird shit. like, for example, a wiggling snake. boogie boogie motherfuckers.

\- seriously though, the "mysterious stranger" is probably just some poor crippled grandpa who's dealing drugs to deal with his massive debt. there was absolutely no need for goodman brown to demonize him like that. #justiceforgrandpa 

\- even though goodman brown is not shown to be snorting drugs, it is an inference that the reader can make based on his actions and thoughts, as well as the setting. i do not make the rules. 

\- he wakes up?? in the woods? and he’s like completely untouched? if it was actually a cult meeting then do u think the organizers or whatever would just let him sleep? like no. the disrespect. you come into MY cult meeting, you don’t participate for shit, and you scream at ur wife when we’re trying to initiate her, and then u fall asleep? bitch. 

\- he didn’t wake up with a pentagram tattooed on his face or half his arm missing because they offered it to the devil even when HE fell ASLEEP at a cult meeting so we’re forced to assume that the satanists are either pussies or he hallucinated the entire thing. most likely the latter, since if ur gonna be a satanist during the witch trials in salem, massachusetts then there’s no way ur a pussy. sorry i don’t make the rules. 

\- the cult meeting/satanic ritual scene was literally the closest thing to a fever dream i’ve ever read. like i dream weird things. i dreamed of a buffalo telling me “i’ll eat u baby man” even though i’m NOT a baby OR a man so when i read a fever/drug induced/whack dream i know what it is. trust me. 

conclusion: young goodman brown is not a moral allegory or whatever the fuck you call it, it is simply a warning that if u take ur dreams too seriously then ur a dumbass

t;dr: don’t do drugs

**Author's Note:**

> this is the only take i accept. if you think otherwise then im not listening. not to say ur opinion is wrong but like it's wrong.


End file.
